These Words given by My Parent That Helped Me as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of being a father.

However the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You're not in a good place. You require assistance. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger reluctance to open up amongst men, who still absorb damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a short trip overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of you is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."